Time Out Tuesdays

 My mother used to say my father was incredibly shy when they first met.  She would be mingling with everyone at a party and he'd prefer to be sitting in the corner by himself.  Then one day, at a party, he kicked all the throw rugs at the hosts' house down the stairs, pretended to pull a goldfish out of a bowl and eat it (it was really a carrot) and the rest is history.  He was social.  That's how I know him.

During my childhood, my father always seemed at ease talking to anyone.  He could talk construction equipment (his line of work), he could talk mechanics, stereos, sailing, home decor, current events, you name it, he could speak to it.  My parents made a great pair that way.  Always at ease in any social situation and always the center of attention.  But as I realize it now, it was always on their terms. 

For instance, if someone, god forbid, stopped by our house uninvited, my mother would literally lock herself in her bedroom until they were gone.  She'd tell us to tell whoever it was that she wasn't home.  She would not meet anyone unless she was prepared to do so.   

   

My father was better about that but as we get farther from the date of my mothers death, I see him reverting to his old self.  He can still do a party, but he spends less and less time attending.  He pulls away to spend time by himself.  I think I can relate to that.  As much as I’d like to be in social situations and can handle it for certain periods of time,  I do love the time that I get to be alone.  Not even because it affords me that ability to do anything special.  I just get to be.  

Beginning this year I have reduced my work schedule to four days a week instead of five.  I just felt like I wasn't getting anything done and that extra day off during the week would afford me that ability.

What I have found instead is that I spend a lot of that time doing nothing. Or at least nothing productive.  I had great plans of catching up with friends or family, cleaning the house, exercising. But for the most part I haven't.  I feel badly, like I am wasting time.  There are all those quotes about making the most of every day.  Carpe diem and all that.  But I just can't bring myself to go there right now.  Instead, I am living the "take time to stop and smell the roses" one.  I think that is what my body and my head need right now.  A time out.  I know that it won't be forever.  And I am trying not to feel guilty for the luxury of having it.  So I am going to enjoy it for now. 

Time out Tuesdays. Who's in?