10 Years

Ten years ago I had my last chemo treatment.  Ten years.  It's gone by in a blink.  I only realized it after seeing a post by a friends son on Facebook. He was remarking that 10 years ago he got married. I was at that wedding.  I had my last chemo on Thursday and then Saturday was in the church watching them say their vows.  I wore a scarf on my head, as I didn't have a wig.  It slipped around all night and made me feel more self conscious than if I had just gone with the bald look.  I tried doing fake eyelashes, since mine were gone, but the left one fell off just as she was coming down the aisle, so I pulled the right one off too.  It's not that I felt ugly or ashamed of being bald or eyelash less.  I just didn't want to take anything away from their special day.  

The really amazing thing is that all throughout my course of treatment, time crawled along.  There was never a day that went by that didn't involve some kind of medicine or appointment or talk about cancer.  And if I hadn't seen that post, I wouldn't have even thought about the fact that 10 years ago I was being hooked up to what was basically poison, in the hopes that it would kill any cancer cells that might have been left after surgery.  Oh yeah, and then the radiation to kill what the chemo didn't. I would never have believed that that fact wouldn't be forefront in my mind on a daily basis.  And yet, it wasn't.  Life has become full of so many other things.  Sadness, for sure.  Far too many losses.  But so many wonderful gains as well.  It is a remarkable thing, the resiliency of the human body and mind.  I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I am still here, living and breathing and moving forward.  I am grateful that I am able to experience being a grandparent.  It brings me a joy I never knew existed.  I am grateful to have my children nearby.  I am grateful for many wonderful, loving friends and family.  I am grateful for the man who is by my side now and has been there for close to 35 years.

And I am grateful for seeing the post marking the 10th anniversary of  Jon and Leslie Cook.  Two wonderful people who's special day marks an anniversary for me as well.  Here's to us and to the next 10 years!