I have known that I am invisible for a long time now. I am invisible when I am by myself and when I am with someone else. Let me clarify. I have wonderful friends, who when I am around them I am NOT invisible. I am included in conversations and listened to when I talk about something. I have even had times when people have seemed to hang on my every word. It's wonderful!
I am more specifically talking about when I am out in public. I have walked through very public spaces; stores, concerts, streets, churches. People walk past and most of the time don't even look at me. I have stood at Home Depot trying to load 4 x 8 sheets of drywall onto my cart and have had employees walk right by me. I have had people step in front of me when I've been in line at the grocery store or at a venue. No excuse me, no I'm so sorry. Nothing. The latest happened at a function I went to with a couple of co-workers. There were about 600 people there. It was crowded and loud. I "sorry-ed" and "excuse me-d" my way around the place. We would be stopped occasionally by someone who knew one of the women I was with. They'd gush over her and make small talk. Look past me to the other woman we were with and remark about how beautiful her top was and then go on their way! One man, standing in front of me in a line for the bar, literally turned around and shouted in my face to his girlfriend who was behind me. I could see his eye's slowly focus on my face, a look of mild confusion on his. Then he moved towards me and sideways to see her. His action was a non-touching way of moving me off to the side. I was nobody. He was irked that I was in the way. Was in his space. It was rude and offensive. It was also unnerving. I was so utterly unimportant. Someone at church, someone I know, walked past the pew I was sitting in and sit down in front of me. When I touched his shoulder to say he, he turned around and said "oh, Tracey, I didn't even see you there" : (
When I am out with certain people in my life, we have no trouble getting attention. Waiters, staff at stores, strangers even. They stop and help and talk. But it's to the people I am with, not with me. Is it because they have big, bold personalities where I tend to be quieter, more reserved? Is it because they are tall and slim and I tend to be shorter and, lets face it , fatter? Or am I just that ordinary that I'm not worth the time.
I am okay with this most of the time. Like I said, it's been something I've dealt with for a long time. May be it's my super power. Truth be told I would rather have had the ability to fly, but this could be helpful in certain situations.
What it does do is make me wonder about other people. Specifically people I have over looked in my travels. I know we get busy and we have a lot of things that run through our heads all day long. But I know how nice it is when someone acknowledges my presence, even if it's just for a few seconds in a grocery line.
Something for me to work on.
What I don't need to work on is my invincibility! That is a done deal!
What I don't need to work on is my invincibility! That is a done deal!
